If you’re someone ages 20 to 24, you might be all too familiar with the phrases, “But we just graduated!” or “They haven’t even finished college yet,” or “Wait, they’ve been together for how long?” And if you can guess what I’m referring to—yes, it’s seeing people you know get engaged. And just to note, it’s not anything abnormal; engagements happen all the time. It’s what we call a “significant milestone.”

But for those who are living in the stage where high school graduation was just a few years ago and college graduation is almost within reach, seeing friends and friends of your friends get engaged is a mind-blowing experience in itself. It’s right in front of you, too, popping up as the first post of your social media feed—as the caption reads, “SURPRISE! We’re engaged. Say hello to the future Mr. and Mrs. [fill in last name here].” 

And you stare at the screen, completely stunned. The first thing you do is rush to your text messages, sending out a mass report of the who, what, where, and when. Then you gossip about the “How did this happen?” with your roommates, hometown friends, and even your grandmother, who says, “Well, your pop-pop and I were married at the ripe age of eighteen.”

And yet another name is added to your list of people you know who are engaged. Again, not anything abnormal. It’s just the age of these couples who are getting engaged that baffles us.

As we know, marriage varies amongst generations, time, and personal preferences, but it might seem like our innermost social circles are seeing a considerable boom of engagements.

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And we think to ourselves, Wow, everyone and her mother is engaged right now. 

So what—why does it even matter if people are engaged at a younger age? 

What the Numbers Are Saying
Is there truly a right age to get married? Surely, everyone is entitled to his own opinion. But preferences vary by person and by couple. This idea is supported by about 50% of Americans who say that there is no perfect age to get married. About a quarter of Americans say that the best age is somewhere between 25 and 29 years old. 

Although, about 1 in 10 Americans believe that marriage between the ages of 20 and 24 is most ideal. Even so, that perspective is held by a small share of Americans, as most favor marrying at a later age. 

As the times change, so do the perspectives on marriage. I’m sure many of us can attest to our grandparents telling the tale of how they met, “We were set up on a blind date… six weeks later we signed our marriage contract.” Oh, and by the way, they were both 18 years old at the time. 

If we go back to 1960, nearly 75% of American households were fronted by married couples. Today, that number is barely 48%. In just 65 years, the marriage rate has experienced a steady decline. It seems like nobody wants to get married anymore. 

But that’s not true. The times have changed our perceptions of marriage. And not for the better. Back in 1960, the concept of marriage was seen as one of the first steps into adulthood, uniting yourself with a lifelong partner to whom you’d commit and share responsibilities with.

It was seen as a unit, one that provided comfort and stability. 

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In the 1960s, the average age for a first marriage was 22.8 for men and 20.3 for women. It has since increased to 30.2 for men and 28.6 for women. Why are we waiting even longer to get married?

Because society has decided that marriage has lost its spark. When we perceive marriage in a retrospective aspect, we blame the gender roles for having “ruined” the institution for younger generations. The ultra-feminist narrative has spearheaded this ideal shift, harshly critiquing men as a whole for the current state of the dating environment. “There are no good guys out there,” women will say and then fail to realize you are what you attract. It’s not always the men that are bad. Sometimes it’s the patterns being chosen and the character being expressed. 

This has led to people favoring their singleness and embracing the “experience it all” ways of dating. Which then has led to poor, intrusive dating decisions, a lack of respect for oneself by wandering around, and blurred boundaries. Not to mention, the rates of infidelity and cheating in relationships have risen—about 23% of men and 19% of women admit to either of the sort. 

It’s also led to an increase in cohabitation—living together before marriage. Approximately 70% to 76% of couples will move in together before putting a ring on their fingers.

To put it into perspective, more couples have cohabitated than have been married. 

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This shift has normalized living together as a “trial run,” reframing cohabitation as a safer, more flexible alternative to commitment rather than a step toward it. It’s made people think of marriage as an optional milestone, one that occurs when it’s convenient. 

The yearn for connection and sense of stability has diminished. Now, the concept of marriage has taken on more negative connotations than it has positive ones. 

Raise Your Hand If You’re Between the Ages of 20 to 24
The generation that has become the laughingstock of society—Gen Z—seems to be the age group that would most likely defer marriage in order to pursue self-interests. Their egocentric aspirations would push the idea of marriage aside because they want to “experience what the world has to offer.” This could mean switching their major three times, job-hopping, and dating around. 

They’ve been described as spontaneous, exorbitantly sensitive, and self-centric. So why would they want to tie themselves down? The idea of a spouse is that having one would hinder their career aspirations and their desire to live on the edge, either in a bar or overstay their welcome on a friend’s couch. We don’t like when people tell us what to do. 

To add, Gen Zers claim that the dating scene for their age group is not worth the investment. It’s exhausting and unreliable. The dating apps are laughable. You can’t even get a guy to text the date details until one hour beforehand. And after the date, he’ll text you the next day to say, “That was cool. Maybe we should do that again,” to which you’re not entirely sure if there’s expressed interest, or worse—he’ll just sever contact entirely.

People have become low-maintenance, ultra nonchalant, and avoidant of emotional investment.

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They want experience—always in search of “something better.” In short terms, people have embraced the “I don’t care” mentality. It’s assumed that being apathetic is analogous to confidence. And that detachment is analogous to being unattainable. How are you to find a life partner if everyone you interact with purposely acts uninterested? 

And while this detached approach seems to define most young adults, there are some who crave real connection—who want effort, consistency, and emotional presence. So, they become the ones left feeling out of place, not relating to the culture of many. But the truth is, connection isn’t outdated. It’s just harder to find in a culture that rewards indifference. 

And perhaps this could be a reason that the younger generations are seeking engagement sooner than later. It’s not impulsive. It’s a desire for stability and intention, for the commitment that feels rare to have in today’s spontaneous, experiential world. An engagement is a statement of opting out of the chaos and investing in a relationship that is meant to last. 

Invest in the Ring, Opt Out of the Chaos
But what many don’t realize is that what Gen Z actually desires, apart from the spontaneity and aspirations, is comfort. Stability. Something that feels familiar to come home to after chasing experience after experience. You don’t have to drop everything you’ve ever dreamed of after saying, “I do.”

It could be that a sense of relief, coming home to the same face, is more admirable than returning to a house plant. 

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And, especially in our high-paced society, with the confines of social media, jobs, leases, and friendships, it might be advantageous to have someone who cancels out the stressors. It doesn’t mean that ambition and individualism is abandoned. It’s simply that a partnership is being reframed as a support system rather than an added stressor. It’s someone you can navigate adulthood with—from sharing the rent, sharing the stress, and bearing witness to the chaos. 

Not to mention, at the ripe ages of 20 to 24, you’re an adult—both in the eyes of the government and in the stage of life. You’ve got a high school diploma, are enrolled in college, are in search of a career, and are looking to begin a life that doesn’t involve the impending doom of living in your parents' basement forever. 

At this point, you’re paying taxes, signing leases, paying off student loans, and making decisions that will shape the rest of your life—and yet, commitment to a partner is the one choice that people insist you’re “too young” or is “too soon” to make. 

If you’re trusted to vote, to drive a car, to relocate after college, and to build a career, it’s not unreasonable to trust yourself to choose a partner. It’s the ambiguous, “experience it all” society in our ears telling us that getting married means tying yourself down, and that you should wait as long as possible to tie the knot. 

But actually, marriage is the commitment to a single partner, who will be there through the newfound growth, freedom, and experiences. He's not a hindrance. She's not a limitation. It’s not about shrinking your world; it’s about having someone steady in it as everything else expands. And for Gen Z, the generation told to keep options open and delay permanence, choosing one person is a deliberate move to opt out of the chaos.